ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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