Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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