Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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