All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Will you blow on my dice?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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