I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
