I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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