If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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