First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
