I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
