It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize