Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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