Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
