The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
