everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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