he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
