I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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