trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Say something about gay babies.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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