Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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