I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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