i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A bitchslap is in order.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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