To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
