1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
