It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Acid is not a monday night drug
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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