We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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