i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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