i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize