I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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