i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
