i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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