He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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