i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
