We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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