dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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