just tell him i said nine months
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
