Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
