made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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