I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
