Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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