There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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