The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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