just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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