i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize