seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
