Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
