His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
