I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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