Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
