I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
