Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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