That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my being single is dangerous.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
