stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
