I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
