it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
