Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
