Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
