TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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