i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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