best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
